Review: F*ck Feelings: One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems

F*ck Feelings: One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems by Michael I. Bennett
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Does our feelings are best guide to our life or do we need to be controlled by brain and logic?
Everyone has issues and wants answers and solutions.
Permanent solutions maybe, if possible….
I wish I can find out why I become angry/ anxious/ depressed/ aggressive at slightest provocation? Once I know the root cause, I can erase this behavior forever and ever and will live happily ever after.

This is what Freudian psychology and most other therapist told us till now.

Does it work?

And if it doesn’t then what does work?

Is there a permanent solution and a happily ever after or are some persons beyond help and cure?

This book tries to answer these questions and tries to offer an alternate solution in an honest and humorous way.

There is some bad news and some good news.

Bad news first- There is rarely a permanent solution and a happily ever after is most often than not a myth. Knowing the root cause is not always a good thing. In fact, revisiting bad old memories keep on festering those wounds and may be counterproductive. It stops us from moving on. There are limits to therapy and sometimes there is no permanent forever type solution.

The good news- No person is beyond help and cure. There are things that we can’t do or control but all is not lost. If we are realistic and try to aim at and control what we can do, life can be productive and fulfilling. This book shows us how.

This is an honest book and I think most psychologists/ therapists must be very angry at it. Why? Because it calls their bluff, shows their limitation and exposes the deficiency in their methods.

It covers a large number of topics but the format is the same.
1. Problem.
2. Some examples.
3. What we want but can't have
4. What we can aim for and have realistically
5. How to do it.
6. Your script
Book may seem repetitive at times but it is worth given a shot.

However, there are some obvious deficiencies also no matter how useful the book is.
Firstly there is some truth in the adage that some problems stem from past; childhood maybe. Knowing the causes and reasons help as they lose their hold on to us.
Secondly there is over reliance of fcuking everything positive. It says fuck self-improvement, self-esteem, fairness, helpfulness, serenity, love, communication, parenthood and treatment. In short it fucks every damn positive thing. Fuck positivity too. That is not the right way to go. I agree that there are limits to these things but still we should never stop trying to be a better and more positive, compassionate and helpful person. This is for our own sake and sanity. There must be sense of gratitude and thankful attitude. Serenity and composure helps. Always. So dismissing these things is not a good way to go.

Despite these deficiencies, this is a good book and can be helpful to those who are suffering from mental issues. It helps us to get real and forces us to face our problems.

The best chapter is chapter nine titled FUCK ASSHOLES. Why? Sample this:-


Simply put, an Asshole is someone who behaves like a jerk and doesn’t see it. These aren’t people you call Assholes because you’re angry; they’re Assholes because of the specific way they behave. Where you see moral choices and harmful consequences, Assholes see disrespect, intense needs, and the right to defend themselves against injury and injustice every time those needs are frustrated.







If you’re asking yourself whether you’re an Asshole, don’t; Assholes don’t ask themselves whether they’re Assholes. They know the problem is other people. Most of us act like assholes (no capital) sometimes, but try not to. This is part of being human and a good reason for getting help from shrinks, church, spin class, or whatever works for you. Many of us are possessed by instincts that sometimes turn us into assholes, but we work all our lives to keep those urges in check. Exorcism only works in the movies, but therapies of various kinds can make us stronger at keeping the inner demons from coming out, one day at a time. Accepting the fact that you’re dealing with an Asshole means giving up the hope that you can change their bad behavior with love, reason, therapy, or a talking-to of either the “come to Jesus”or “go to hell”variety. It also means accepting whatever pain and lack of control goes with that bad behavior. Once you do so, however, you will be able to stop useless conflicts and rescue attempts. You’ll improve your ability to manage their bad behavior as effectively as possible. Assholes can’t be saved, but your sanity can.



Your Script Here’s what to say to the offending Asshole that will keep you on track regardless of how you really feel or how said annular friend responds. Dear [Asshole Former Associate/Greedy Sibling/Ex-Girlfriend with New Yoga Boyfriend], Although it’s true that we’re now having unfortunate differences, we used to [have fun/text each other with some frequency/share an HBO GO password] as friends and partners for so many years, and I’m sure we can address our differences in a positive way. In spite of our good efforts to overcome misunderstanding and reach an agreement, it’s been impossible, so it’s become necessary to figure out how to go forward from here. I propose we [keep our assets separate/agree to disagree/do a bunch of stuff a lawyer told me to do although I’ll never tell you I have a lawyer]. I believe this is fair and will be good for both of us, but it’s best for us not to speak further about this directly until all is worked out. Nevertheless, I wish you [the best/good health/a bountiful harvest] and hope this gets resolved soon.

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